i was just googling.

i used to like the name elyse ramadhani. i have NO idea what elyse in islam context. name itu adalah suci, it tells you a characteristic of the person.

thats why i have a new name =)

wan aafia alysya.

meaning? the wise and beautiful thousand moon.

heh. i saw the bills today. my goodness. i have less than two years to save,three years to get married. insyaallah. kalau ALLAH izinkan.

amin.

engagement. 2011.

remember my goal of next year? my unrealistic goal of getting married next year.

the purpose was to have babies. how can i have babies without thinking about money.

so my realistic goal that i can control is.

to get engaged in two years time. next year i will meet his parents. i bring him to mine by raya.

i am serious.  i am very sure about this. just like i predicted.

now, i shall really stop being a kid. okies, time for me to sleep =)

alhamdulilah.

i am grateful.

alhamdulillah.

=)

i smile.

i want to start smiling with teeth.

i want to start thinking im beautiful that way. he thinks of that too =) and i just feel im hiding my real beauty.

its time to be confident of my own body.

smile ayuni. smile with teeth.

dear nenek, my facebook entry.

dear nenek,

its been five months since you have passed on. i watched MJ the other day with dewi. we thought about you because you would be happy to see it. haha. anyways nenek, this letter is not about me blabbering again about my sadness or so. i would love to update you about my life besides praying to GOD to send this message to you. double messages are a confirmation you will get it =)

WORK.

okays. work is the best. because i dont go home really late at times like i used to. i have reliable colleagues that are becoming like me at times. it worries me because when i see them, i see myself. paperwork has never end. you were right nenek. i shouldnt have spend my time like almost till 10pm just to finish my work. i could have used it to talk to you. but its been a learning experience. work make me grow. now that we have more and more patients, thank you to the h1n1 jab, its been a tough time. i am forgetting more things but i love my work still. im trying to give my best nenek =) see myself somewhere someday!

LOVE and FRIENDS.

i found the one i love after SO long nenek. i believe you would love him because he is sincere although forgetful at times. you would be very happy for me because you would never see your grandchild cry for someone who stood her up when she need someone to talk to. im not angry about that anymore. u were right about him and i am right about this new one. he is wonderful, like he appreciates me. i can tell from the face. the way he smiles. i believe he will take care of me until years goes by. insyaallah i want to jeng jeng with this man. but of course, loving him cost a price.

i told dewi about him but i knew she didnt like him. she predicts something bad will happen. i told her, even at the end, something bad happens. i wouldnt want to go through things without knowing i have gone through it with no regrets. thats how i learn nenek, you know that from i was young kan. i take risk in life and i believe every risk makes me better person. i love this person nenek. i love dewi too. i wish things would get better. i am very hopeful on this.

anyways, felicia and min had been very supportive. i cant wait to show him to them. and my colleagues have been very entertainly teasing about him to me every single time. i m happy. much more happier knowing everyone cares.

nenek, i know sometimes you look at me, you see me very fragile but i appear very strong. sometimes you want to tell me things but i just wont listen. i just want to say thank you. thank you for being there when i need you everytime. i miss reading the newspaper to you. miss reporting gossips or hearing them. miss you waking me up or even miss you giggling at me when i ask you whether my dress was nice. miss you when i call and trick you.

MOST OF ALL, i miss you.

but life goes on. it doesnt wait for people. and every single day, i learn things. one day at a time.

thanks nenek =) alhamdulilah!

and this is me now. i know you would say merepek eh ayuni.

loves,
ayunie your merepek cucu.

h1n1.

i will be very busy for these two weeks. WHY?!

because the H1N1 stocks are arrived. been busy jabbing 20 vaccinations in a day.

heh =) but i am happy. i realised i am a strong person no matter what so JIAYO!

okays, better sleep. tomorrow expecting more patients, vacinnations =) but im glad im going for a library and movie date after that.

something to look forward too! nitenite!

family is close.

my dad was right.

sometimes the comfort of family is overwhelmingly comforting.

i just wanted to stay home today.

after upsetting my best friend, i am left quiet for the rest of the day.

i feel like keeping quiet today because i no longer know what to say to what i feel.

i cant even cry. i no longer know how to cry.

i just stare at blank spaces in the air.

i wish GOD was fairer to me. byebye.

work sucks, for now.

been very busy at work. a lot of spring cleaning and touch up to do. im also enquiring on advanced diploma on nursing and getting a sponsorship with raffles. its an 8 mth programme, full time basis. im quite tired of working already. at least i am guranteed profit sharing by november and a thirteen month bonus in december.

finally.

i am rich.

anyways, its hard at work. the perfectionist is starting to come out and changing a lot of things now.

bubbly.

dr george said to me today,

ayunie, why are you sounding so sad. what happen to the bubbly girl in REMC.

and i replied,

i think you are the how many person to say that dr george. its monday blues.

i smiled, knowing people care =) i love my life now.

IM SO ANGRY!

im very mad at my father. VERY VERY mad. we were supposed to go to moyang house. i was wearing an acceptable piece of clothing. its not even sexy or revealing but he asked me to wear something presentable. okays. WHAT PART OF PRESENTABLE he means. i asked. i asked and he gave me a stupid answer. “melayu and sopan” define me what is that. WEARING TUDUNG IS IT. if you want me to wear tudung, then SAY IT. dont go beat ONE round the bush and make my blood boil because i dont appreciate sacarsticness. he took it out on my mother okays. he thinks i didnt know he was mad before and he had to yakked at my mom’s for being slow. it was nothing he should be angry about. NOT AT MY MOM.

i was patience. my level of tolerance of patience is very high. VERY HIGH and the only thing that ticked me off was the fact he was sacarstic to me. i cant handle people especially those very close to me, say things in such a manner that actually wants to teach me something but use the wrong approach. and i couldnt handle it so i storm off. i practically answered back and storm off. i was like,

” ABAH KALAU TAK SUKA, TAK PAYAH NAK CKP MCM GITU. you have NO idea how you said it, IM NOT GOING”

he knows la he is in the wrong. he asked me to go too but i shut the door. tak masuk akal betul tau.

im TWENTY THREE.

i go out with my date, i tell you. i go out with my best friends, i tell you. i EXPLAIN. everyday i call home. i make sure i call you. i ask you to pick me up but you say you tired. nevermind. i know how tired work can be. i make sure i dont go home late everytime. nowadays i go home after work okays. and you assume i go movies everytime which is a big lie.you want me to be honest but i cant see you being understanding with me. might as well i dont tell you anything UNLESS  if you can START treating me like an adult. i dont know WHY you see me as a child still. is it because i dont wear tudung. is it because i dont know how to cook. is it because i dont know much islamic views. are those measures you can adulthood. fine. i understand where i stand in this. i ADMIT im not as good but please take a look at your daughter for once.

YOU DONT SEEM TO KNOW HOW HARD IM TRYING FOR WORK AND LIFE. HOW MUCH DIFFERENCE I MADE TO PEOPLE”s LIFE.

dont seem to know. and dont tell me you know me best. because MAMA SUMJA KNOWS ME MORE.